She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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