make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
