one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
