I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
