If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't deserve a penis
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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