If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize