Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
