Tell her she can't have a vagina
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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