I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
