from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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