Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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