Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
