I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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