pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
