a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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