So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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