So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am available for nakedness
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize