It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
