You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize