Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
