I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
