tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
