I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize