You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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