Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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