so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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