So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
