The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
