I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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