Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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