Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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