i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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