that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
