My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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