i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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