I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
