This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
