She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry about my life...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize