I just threw up on my dentist
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
