Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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