I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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