i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
