I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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