when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
