the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
