She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
