we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
