I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
