I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
