Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
