at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
