Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
