Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
