Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
