How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
