Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
