whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
