He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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