3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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