The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize