ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
