I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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