called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
