UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just google imaged poop.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
