I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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