The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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