1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
