he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
