We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize