We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
