Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
