Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
