Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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