he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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