if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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