hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
