I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
