btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
