ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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