Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
