I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
