Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
