Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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