Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
