My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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