Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
