Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
