you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize