It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
