I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
