i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
