Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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