oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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